Standing in the Victory

Stand - Britt Nicole

This song has really been on my heart over the past few days. There is a certain section in this song that really speaks to me and I feel that God is really trying to get this concept through my head.

When my heart is hurt too much

Feels like I've reached the end

No, I won't turn and run

This battle will be won

When I've done all I can

I stand stand stand

Recently I've been learning that the longer I walk with the Lord, the less my will is done. As a girl who likes to have control, this sometimes leaves me grasping for answers. I have started finding myself sitting on my bed asking God for direction and help, because I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing.

I guess that's His purpose. I'm not supposed to know the step-by-step agenda. What use would I have for Him at that point? With my complete list of To-Do's handy I would take off, leaving God in the rear view mirror. Forgetting that it is Him that supplies my needs, fills me with joy, and is the source of my strength. 

"Guide my steps by Your word, so I will not be overcome by evil." Psalm 119:133

My battle is not with God, but with myself. I have to daily, constantly die to myself so God's will would be done (Gal. 5:24). Easier said than done though, right? It is so hard when where I thought I would be, who I thought I would be, what I thought I would be doing  is not at all where, who, or what I am now. So, I find myself in a place unfamiliar to me, and I have no game plan of my own. I am totally reliant on God and His guidance. 

And, you know what? I am 100% okay with that. Yes, some days I wake up scared, confused, frustrated... but at the end of the day, it is not me who is running my life, and that is okay. Because as long as I'm following Jesus Christ daily, making Him Lord of my life daily, and listening to His voice daily, I know that everything is going to be okay. I do not know how everything is going to end, and that's okay. I don't know where God will lead me, and that's okay. I don't know what I will lose along the way, but that's okay. Because when I reach the end of a long, hard, frustrating, confusing, defeating, disappointing day I am confident in Christ, and I stand in victory. 

"But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through the Lord Jesus Christ!" I Corinthians 15:57

Lost

Hi, all!! Hope everyone reading this has been well. And if you haven't, I hope that you've still been able to rejoice in the Lord's unforseen plan, and goodness!

A couple of blog posts ago I talked a little bit about a struggle I had been having for over a year regarding forgiveness, and trying to understand God. Click here to read the entire post.

I've been really reflecting on my journey recently, because I still don't have all of the answers, but I'm finding them. Afterall, "he who seeks Me, will find Me", and I believe that wholeheartedly. But, you know, somewhere along the way, I wondered if the fact that I was looking  for answers about a faith that I've had for years even made me a "good Christian". Afterall, I didn't know a lot of people who were asking the same questions I was. So, did that make me a freak or did that mean I was fooling myself on who I thought I was in Christ?

I don't know if any of you have ever faced those questions, but I'm about to tell you how warped that mindset is.

Churches, youth groups, Bible studies, and a number of others have this thing for talking about the crucifixion and that our sins are forgiven. I'm not disagreeing. I believe Jesus Christ was the Savior of the world and that He died for the human race so we can be restored back to God and have that relationship. That's the foundation of our faith.

It is the foundation. Christ's death and resurrection is what we base our lives on. Christ is the reason we have life, and how we're born again. He took His sins upon Himself so we can be free from them and serve Him wholeheartedly. He modeled a life that we're supposed to live. Typically, we like to park here and just beat the subject to death. For what purpose, I don't know. But, it's crippling us.

We're taught that we're forgiven, we're not perfect, Christ has freed us, we should tell others about Him, we're holy & righteous through Christ's blood, we're made new, etc., but there's a certain word that's not often preached about that is also a huge part of who we are. There's a word that Christ gives us in such a loving manner, that we should be embracing it and running with it.

That word is sheep.

We are sheep. I am a sheep. You are a sheep. And what are sheep without a shepherd? Lost.

"When He saw the crowds, He had compassion for them, because they were harrassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." Matt. 9:36

Sheep follow their shepherd. We follow Christ. Without Him, we are nothing, therefore, we are lost.

I know we've all heard that. It's the verse we use when we're trying to bring people to Christ. But somehow, that label falls off when we become Christians because we've found our shepherd and BAM we're no longer lost.

I disagree. Shepherds typically do not stay in the same place. They herd their sheep from one place to the next. So, why are we not moving? Why are we staying in the same place? We are still sheep afterall, and still lost without a shepherd. And yet, we park our lives at the Gospel and use that as our "feel good", "God has it under control" excuse.

"For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions." 2 Tim. 4:3

As Christians (aka. Followers of Christ), we should be constantly seeking the Lord, and His purpose for our individual lives. We are sheep. We seek our shepherd. If He moves, we move. Bottom line. It's okay to be lost. We're sheep, we're not supposed to have all the answers. It's time to stop putting a negative spin on being "lost". Jesus did not stop referring to us as sheep once we "found the Shepherd".

"I am the good shepherd. I know my own and they know me," John 10:14

I say it's time to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move on. Our Shepherd is moving and we need to follow Him. Christ did die for our sins, and we should be grateful for that. But, my gosh, we don't need to stay there. That's the beginning. Now we take that and apply it to our lives.

I'm still trying to figure out what that means for my life. I don't have this whole thing figured out (obviously), but I'm looking and will keep looking. My Shepherd has the answer I'm looking for, so He will be the one I seek. After all, I am sheep, and I'm lost without His direction.

Stop, Look, Listen

Anyone who follows my blog knows that I am not a regular blogger. I can't be. I've tried, but my mind doesn't work that way. I know some people who are very consistent. For me, I write when I have something on my mind that I want to share. I do not share everything on my mind. Some thoughts don't need to be spoken, just understood.

I find it odd that I learn new things about myself almost daily. Just in the little things I do, I surprise myself by how much I am changing. Not drastically, but subtly, in all kinds of ways.

Typically, I would label myself as an extrovert, social person. I love being around people, I love my friends, and I love having a good time. But I've noticed the older I've gotten the less I crave it. I don't know if I would label myself as an introvert, but I am definitely not as outgoing as I used to be. Maybe the correct term would be a "shy extrovert". We'll just call it that.

When I'm in group settings, I really don't try squeeze in my stories or opinions anymore. I'm not saying I don't, I'm just saying that it's not as important to me as it used to be. Now, I do not mean that like "No one cares about what I have to say,".  Not at all.  I just think there's something to be said about listening.

Now I am not saying that it's a bad thing to be an outgoing person who just loves to talk.  I am not saying that at all!!!  Ha ha, God knows how many people I've bored with my rants and stories. (;

I'm just saying that I think there's beauty in listening and watching people (as creepy as that may sound). I love watching people when they talk about something that they love, or seeing how they react when someone else is talking.  You learn so much just by sitting in silence.

"Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry."  James 1:19

Let's be honest, I love to talk.  But I also love to listen.  I think those two things really go hand in hand and should be well proportioned.  I don't think you should have too much of one and not enough of the other. I really believe you need both to make any kind of impact.

I'm still growing in this area.  I'm still learning when I need to speak up, and also when I need to just stop talking all together. I need to listen when people are telling me things, whether for my benefit or whether they just need to rant.  I need to be that listening ear for them.  On the other hand, I can't share my faith or what I feel God needs them to know if I'm not brave enough to speak out loud.  I need both to be effective.

 

Making All Things New

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while.  Honestly, I just haven't felt like blogging because these past few months have been kind of rough as far as my spiritual life goes.  I want to tell you guys about it.  I won't go into details due to time.  If you want more details feel free to contact me. (:

For the past few months I've felt really disconnected from God.  I didn't know why for the longest time.  It was just one of those things that I couldn't put my finger on it.  Within the past few weeks I started realizing what my trouble was.

I didn't understand God, especially about His forgiveness.  I knew Jesus died for my sins and all, but I never really felt forgiven.  In fact, people told me that I was going to be judged for my sins when I die, so, what's the point of forgiveness if it's just going to come back to haunt me in the end?  It actually got to the point where I couldn't read my Bible without being confused.  Because, in my mindset, everything contradicted each other.

These and many more questions swarmed my mind.  It depressed me.  It demotivated me.  It drained me.  And worse, I felt alone in all this.

I still loved God.  I still believed in the power of Jesus, but I didn't understand it.  I knew I was missing something.  But I didn't know what it was.  I prayed for answers, but it just seemed to end there.  I wasn't finding what I was looking for.

On Saturday I went to a MercyMe concert with my youth group and just like when Jesus says "seek and you will find", I finally found it.

The lead singer was sharing his testimony, and talking about Christians and Jesus' work in each of our individual lives.  During this time he said something I hope I never forget.  He said, "We are not a sinful people trying to be good, we are a holy & righteous people, saved by the blood of our Savior, struggling with the flesh."

In Romans 8:1 it tell us, "Therefore there is now no condemnation in Christ."

Then in 1 John 4:8 it tells us that God is love.

What is love?  Obviously, in 1 Corinthians Paul tells us what love is (patient, kind, etc.).  But among these qualities it says that "love keeps no record of wrong".

So, if God is love, and love keeps no record of wrong, then God really does forget our sins!

At that moment I felt so free.  It all made sense.  God didn't see me as a horrible sinner unworthy of a relationship with Him.  He saw me as His beloved child that He wanted an intimate relationship with.

I hope my story encouraged you.  Even though this has been a really tough few months (if you want to be technical, I've been struggling with this for over a year), I am overjoyed of what God has taught me through all of it.  I'm glad I didn't stop doing good and didn't stop ministering (even though sometimes I didn't see the point or felt empty because I knew God was worried about my heart versus my actions) because God still used it for His glory.  That's the beautiful thing about God.  He can take broken pieces and something entirely new and beautiful.

Whose Battle is it Anyway?

When I opened my Bible© app on my phone today, the verse was James 1:12.  After reading it, I knew I had to blog about it.  It's such an encouraging verse, but there is so much power in this one verse alone!!

When I think of the word "trial", I think of anything that I may face in my life.  Whether it's the trial of "I need to stop procrastinating!!" or it's a trial of losing a loved one.  Trials and battles are not fun.  I don't like them, but I don't know many who do.  Especially when some trials come and go, but don't seem to end.  Life is full of trials, but it's full of victories, too.

"For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."  Deuteronomy 20:4

To give you victory.  I want to park there and dwell on that last part for a minute.  God is on my side.  My side!!  He's on mine, yours, and anyone who will give over to Him the sword to fight.  The battle is not mine.  The trial is not yours.  We are just the ones going through it.  We are the reflectors of Christ.  Through us, Christ resembles His incredible power.  But in the end of any trial, who is glorified??  God! But, who is stronger?? We are!!  Jesus Christ is the bearer of all sin, but He is also our victor!!!

How cool is that??!!?!

So, anyway, don't lose hope, friends. The battle belongs to the Lord, so rely on His strength.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Tomorrow's Worries

One of my good friends passed away this week, and it has been hard for everyone around here.  She (Barb) was an incredible woman and role model.  But, through all of this, I have grown in the wisdom of the Lord, and I think there's something to be said for that. (:

My friend and I were talking at the funeral today about knowing when one will die.  At first, it may seem like a good idea to want to know, but I had to think about it.  If I knew exactly when I was going to die, how would my life look different?  I would probably be more prone to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do.  Whether it's on the YOLO side of things, or more on the "be a good neighbor" policy, I would, no doubt, live my life a whole lot differently.

But is living life like that worth living?  For me, not knowing when the Lord will take me home is freeing.  That means that He knows my life far better than I do.  Plus, I'm able to live my life focused on today.  What will today bring?  How will I love those around me today?

I needn't worry about tomorrow.  Tomorrow has its own problems (Matthew 6:34).  I know, for a fact, that God wants me to live like that.  Just live.  Bring life to those around me.  Pour my time and love into those I come into contact with.

I know it won't be nor look perfect, but I need to at least try.  Try to help.  Try to love.  Try to live, and forget about tomorrow's worries.


Here's a song that encourages me in this area:

Morning Choices

Happiness.

One of my biggest struggles.  I face it every day.  I battle with it every minute.  But do I choose it?

Happiness is a choice we make.  We don't always make it voluntarily, but we make it all the same.

It's one of those things we can feel like we don't deserve.  Past choices, future worries, anything at all can trick us into thinking that happiness isn't for us.  It's for those who don't have anything to regret, or worry about.  People whose lives don't have creases or wrinkles.  People who have it all together.  Perfect people.

I thought that.  I do think that.  "Happiness isn't for me.  It's for people who don't have to worry if they're going to get a good grade on the next test; for people who are perfectly organized; those who always know exactly what to do or say.  Not me."

Lies.  All lies.

I really don't care what your history looks like, not what your future holds, or what crisis you're facing right now, or even how perfect your life is or may seem.  Every single of one of us when we wake up, have a very clear choice.  Happiness or Defeat?

 "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit drains one's strength."  Proverbs 17:22

Every exhausting, chaotic, beautiful morning we wake up is a gift.  God is giving us a new day to live life.  Live it glorifying your Savior, and not letting anything defeat your happiness.  God's blessings are new every morning.

How will you live it?

New Beginnings

"For if we have been united together in likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should  no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with HIm, knowing that christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that He died He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 6:5-11

"For sin shall now have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace."  Romans 6:14

Reading these verses this morning really gave me a different perspective on the concept that when we are alive with Christ our sins are washed away.

I don't know if you have ever felt this way, but for a very long time it was hard for me to ever grasp that concept. I always felt like it was wrong to let go of my sins and think of them as "washed away". To me, that was wrong because I felt like I deserved to dwell on my mistakes and inwardly punish myself. I knew that God had forgiven me and that my sins were "washed away". I mean, I read the verses, and I sang about it, but I didn't know it.

Just within the last few months God has been teaching me to let go. If we are truly sorry for what we have done, God has forgiven us. So, let's let go. Let go of past mistakes. Let go of the thoughts that tell us that we're a failure and that we'll never get this right. Let go of caring what other people think of us. If we don't we are throwing away the gift Jesus Christ gave us when He suffered on the cross.

Every day is a new day, a new beginning. You have a fresh chance every day to be a better person than you were yesterday. So, grasp on to the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ and let it set you free!