For the past few months I've felt really disconnected from God. I didn't know why for the longest time. It was just one of those things that I couldn't put my finger on it. Within the past few weeks I started realizing what my trouble was.
I didn't understand God, especially about His forgiveness. I knew Jesus died for my sins and all, but I never really felt forgiven. In fact, people told me that I was going to be judged for my sins when I die, so, what's the point of forgiveness if it's just going to come back to haunt me in the end? It actually got to the point where I couldn't read my Bible without being confused. Because, in my mindset, everything contradicted each other.
These and many more questions swarmed my mind. It depressed me. It demotivated me. It drained me. And worse, I felt alone in all this.
I still loved God. I still believed in the power of Jesus, but I didn't understand it. I knew I was missing something. But I didn't know what it was. I prayed for answers, but it just seemed to end there. I wasn't finding what I was looking for.
On Saturday I went to a MercyMe concert with my youth group and just like when Jesus says "seek and you will find", I finally found it.
The lead singer was sharing his testimony, and talking about Christians and Jesus' work in each of our individual lives. During this time he said something I hope I never forget. He said, "We are not a sinful people trying to be good, we are a holy & righteous people, saved by the blood of our Savior, struggling with the flesh."
In Romans 8:1 it tell us, "Therefore there is now no condemnation in Christ."
Then in 1 John 4:8 it tells us that God is love.
What is love? Obviously, in 1 Corinthians Paul tells us what love is (patient, kind, etc.). But among these qualities it says that "love keeps no record of wrong".
So, if God is love, and love keeps no record of wrong, then God really does forget our sins!
At that moment I felt so free. It all made sense. God didn't see me as a horrible sinner unworthy of a relationship with Him. He saw me as His beloved child that He wanted an intimate relationship with.
I hope my story encouraged you. Even though this has been a really tough few months (if you want to be technical, I've been struggling with this for over a year), I am overjoyed of what God has taught me through all of it. I'm glad I didn't stop doing good and didn't stop ministering (even though sometimes I didn't see the point or felt empty because I knew God was worried about my heart versus my actions) because God still used it for His glory. That's the beautiful thing about God. He can take broken pieces and something entirely new and beautiful.
